Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone

So here we go. I haven't updated in 3 days. I want to write the things that I've done (or rather, haven't) over the course of the past few days, but it's honestly too depressing for me to even write it down. Instead, I'm just going to bullet the important stuff.

• I went to a therapist. I like her. She's around my age, and did not judge me at all for anything that happened. She thinks I have PTSD, which I believe. When I do sleep, I'm a really violent sleeper, which I never was before. I wake up to pillows thrown around the room, on the opposite end of the bed and blankets in knots. I've put on 20 pounds since all of this started. I feel horribly ugly and don't enjoy going out or seeing people other than close friends at all (which really shrinks my social circle here in NY). We talked about a lot of things, and she put into perspective the number of things I've lost this summer (my job, relationship, the baby, the ability to have kids naturally). Basically I haven't allowed myself time to grieve, which is what I feel like I've been doing all along. It's an endless cycle. I'm going in 2 times a week for the next couple of weeks until things start getting better. 

•  I'm also developing this fear that I will never date anyone ever again. I've been burned so bad from this. How am I ever supposed to let anyone else in?!

• I spoke with one of the girls from work today. He's completely normal. She said he has "stopped acting shifty & weird" since I left. Why couldn't she have just lied to me and said he was miserable?
• I'm still having serious issues with the fact that he's fine and will be fine. I wonder if he even thinks about what happened to me, or me at all. How can he just not care?! What kind of person is he?! How did I not see this?!?!?! 

And cue the tears. I just want to feel better.  I'm exhausted. I know I say it all the time, but I am. I'm tired of being angry, sad, resentful and violent. Whenever I start thinking about what happens, it turns into this deep, dark, terrifying downward spiral.

God give me the strength. Why me?!