This is the story of an event that will forever change my life. There is no reason for it to be kept private any longer. This is what happened to me. I hope you can learn something from it. I'm changing the names of those involved, but the story remains the same.
3 weeks ago, I was having serious abdominal cramping at work. Serious to the point where I told my boss I thought my appendix were bursting. I was keeled over, and went home. I called my parents and told them that I was having serious pain, and if it continued I was coming home to go to the ER. After I hang up with them, Kristina calls. I tell her what happens, and she asks me if I'm pregnant. (I've been dating a guy at work since May- let's just call him Frank). I take 2 tests, and I am. At this point I decide to not tell my parents, and go to the ER on Long Island because now I am pregnant with severe abdominal pain.
Once I got to the ER with one of my co-workers, many tests are done but the doctors cannot figure out what is wrong. They send me home, and tell me to return in 48 hours so they can check my pregnancy hormone levels to determine that the baby is healthy. In the mean time, the pain goes from shooting, sharp pains to nothing, so I return to work.
While I work I tell Luis, a very good friend of Frank's, hoping that his reaction will be a telltale of what Frank's will be because they're both originally from Mexico. Luis flips out, tells me that I'm keeping the baby and that we are adults, not kids anymore. In my heart, I believe he is right, but I know that I can't raise a child at this point in my life. Adoption seemed to be the right choice for me. But now, the pain is now back stronger than ever. Upon me crying hysterically and leaving work early, Luis informs me that he's really happy he's going to be an uncle. I cry harder. I have yet to tell Frank.
That night, I went back to the hospital to get my bloodwork checked again. I am in the worst pain I have ever felt at this point. It's concentrated on the right side, and it feels like someone is consistently stabbing me with 1000 knives. The results from my bloodwork show that my pregnancy hormone levels have stayed the same, not a great sign. If the hormone level doubled or tripled within 48 hours, it would have meant that the baby had healthy development. Since the levels were consistent, this meant one of two things. Either I 1) had a ruptured ovarian cyst which caused the pain, and the my body was terminating the pregnancy on its own in the uterus or 2) I was having an ectopic pregnancy. An ectopic pregnancy consists of implantation taking place somewhere outside of the uterus. In most cases, it occurs within the fallopian tube.
More tests were done to determine that in addition to the pregnancy hormone level dropping, I was also bleeding internally, as there was a significant amount of blood in my pelvis. The on-call gynocologist decided to admit me to the hospital, so they could monitor my vitals and find out what was actually going on.
At this point, I called my parents. I was scared and alone and for some reason, I thought I couldn't tell Frank.
The next morning, the doctor came in and told me that I had lost too much blood through the course of the night, and they were going to do surgery to look inside to find out what was going on. I was then asked to sign a consent form, allowing them to remove my fallopian tubes and ovaries if need be. My parents arrived at the hospital moments before I went into surgery. I couldn't stop crying.
After being in surgery for 5 hours, the doctor informs me that I had an ectopic pregnancy, which caused my right fallopian tube to rupture. Subsequently, the doctor removed my right fallopian tube and right ovary. I was devastated.
I went home for two weeks to recover. I've never cried so much in my entire life. When I got back to New York, it took me a couple of days to see Frank and tell him what happened. He was supportive, but couldn't understand why I hadn't called. To this moment, I can't explain why I didn't call and why I didn't think he would be there. I never gave him a chance. Our relationship has completely diminished. I had shut him out.
In a matter of 72 hours, I had gone from finding out I was pregnant to losing a baby and my ability to naturally conceive children in the future, if at all. I know that women always have stories of someone close to them going through the same thing, and they still got pregnant naturally, but in my heart I know that won't be me. I have done a lot of soul searching, trying to make sense of everything but it still all seems surreal.
I still can't make it through a day without crying. The overwhelming sensation of grief comes over me at least once a day. I say a lot of prayers. I get angry. And I just want to curl up in a ball and hide under my blankets and let the days pass until the pain stops.