Ask me how I really feel...

I hate passive/aggressive bullshit. HATE it. Wanna know my thoughts on the matter? Well that's what you'll get by reading this blog.

If you have a fucking problem... say it. If you think something is awesome and beautiful and like nothing you've ever experienced before, express it. If someone has said something that just eats at you for the rest of day and keeps you up at night, address it. If everything goes your way, and someone does a kind gesture for you, thank them. If you're lonely, call people you love and tell them.

There is nothing wrong with expressing human emotion. If you're angry about something- be confident that you have a right to be angry! If someone says something that genuinely hurts your feelings- tell them or they may never know how much it has affected you.

I am so tired of things surfacing months later. I've especially noticed this since I've left Jacksonville, particularly on Facebook. I didn't know people were friends with me for so long for such shallow reasons, and once I have left the area it's almost like I am just simply not needed, which is fine. Really. That's how I feel. There are plenty of people in Jacksonville I have associated with that honestly, I don't see myself speaking to ever again. BUT... I'm so tired of walking on eggshells because I myself don't want to bring up words or things others have done that hurt my own feelings. But, at 23, if I personally don't take these steps I don't see myself having much room to grow from criticism.

So I challenge you. If I piss you off, tell me. If I made your day, call me and let me know. & I promise to do the same. & even if you happen to randomly cross my mind, I'll let you know I've been thinking of you.

Sometimes such simple words can change the outlook of another person's day. You'll never know the impact you can have until you start speaking your mind.

Cause when the roof caved in & the truth came out I just didn't know what to do

I need a job. Plain and simple. I know I must talk about this a lot. But things are getting drastic. The food that I have now is all I've got. I have $11 in my bank account, a half tank of gas in my car and mountains of schoolwork to finish. And everyone always says "Just call your dad. Ask your dad." So let me explain my reasoning of NOT calling my father at 23 years old and begging for money...

I think its pretty much common knowledge that my dad did not want me to go to grad school. According to his life plan for me, I would have finished JU in May, and he would have found me a job at his company. And I would have been set for life. But, since I've decided that I would like to work in health care and create my own life goals and attend grad school- my world has been turned upside down.

In May I was supposed to become financially independent. Paying my own car insurance, gas and cell phone bill- completely severing the tie. But I couldn't find a job over the summer. So my dad graciously put off my payments to him until September (when I got my refund check). It's now September. I just made a $800.00 payment. I still owe another $1000.00. And I'm sure if my parents knew just how bad it is right now they would send me money in a heartbeat- so this isn't a bashing session on them. Really, I hate owing them money- but I dont want to ask for more because it will keep this tab going. Understand?

I also foolishly spent a good chunk of my refund check on a purse. Which was completely stupid, irresponsible and I think my grumbling tummy reminds me every second never to make that mistake again.

So when I bitch about needing a job- I'm not kidding. This post isn't bashing my parents or me giving off the impression they would let their daughter suffer. I can't ask for the money. I dug myself in this hole, and I need to get myself out. On my own. I can do it. I know it. This is my problem, and my responsibility. I can do this.

Meet the Mets...

Happy Saturday morning! I woke up today with a nice riveting headache, but alas... it was worth it. Last night I went to a Mets game with Kylie and it was so much fun!! It was at CitiField- their brand new ballpark and it was gorgeous. Our seats were amazing... right on the first base line and probably 20 rows up. We had club seats so we had our own bar and ate some seriously delish food.

Kylie's mom went into Jerry Seinfeld's bar next to ours in the beginning of the game and saw these homemade brownies. Of course, after the game started she couldn't get back in to get them. So me & Kylie devised a drunken plan and got in and saved the day hahaha. It was so much fun. I'd be so lost w/o the Farrells in my life right now!

Class started Thursday. Kill me now. I'm already drowning in work. I shouldn't even be writing this right now. I should be reading. Oh well. I hope that I have time for some kind of life this semester, but the way it's going so far I seriously doubt it. And it's only going to get worse from here on out. Next semester I'm taking 15 credits. Undergrad, 15 is nothing. Grad... goodbye world.

I've been working out and eating right on a daily basis. Except last night at the Mets. Just a splurge though, right? 6 days a week is my goal. I think I'm taking today off at least until I get my work done. Ugh.

Another day... another dollar... SPENT.

Since classes haven't started yet & I've finished my work, I have job interviews next week and my room is completely cleaned and organized, I have found myself with an insufferable amount of free time. It's insane. I don't know what to do with myself. The thing is, once the semester fully starts I'll be craving and yearning for this much leisure time. Oh well, you take the hand that's dealt, right?

Last night I went to dinner with Kylie and her fam. SO MUCH FUN. Her parents remind me of mine so much, even down to her dad pointing out his fav things on the menu. Sound like my dad? Of course. After dinner we went to this neat bar, had a martini each (and a free shot of limoncello- my new fav obsession) and then went to Crumbs for some baked goods. I can't rave enough about this place. Their cupcakes are to die forrrrrrr.

This morning, my last roommate moved in. She's super nice, and likes to keep to herself. A self-described "homebody". Ain't nothing wrong with a roomie like that in grad school. I met up with Kylie to get manicures, then we went to the Walt Whitman Mall and bought umbrellas at Bloomingdale's. I had my eye on a $125 Burberry umbrella- but decided that since I lose/break umbrellas all the time (hence the reason I was purchasing a new one) it just wasn't worth it. & I'm also currently unemployed. Well, I could be employed if I choose to work at Harbor Links- but I doubt that will happen. After I dropped off Kylie I headed back to Hofstra, went to the gym, showered and went to dinner with Elizabeth (new roomie) at the Student Union.

Hofstra has AMAZING food. Unreal. California Pizza Kitchen. An Asian Bistro. A banggginnnnnggggggg salad bar complete with all sources of protein imaginable (fresh crabmeat, anyone?) It was delicious. I am now completely rethinking my decision of not having a meal plan. Hofstra's got JU's caf beat by a serious longshot. It was awesome.

My greatest accomplishment of the day thus far though- is scoring a washing machine. In a building with 5 floors and full of residents, only one floor has working washers and dryers. No joke. I checked 5 times before successfully getting one. Its a fight to the death up there. I don't think I've ever been so excited to do laundry in my life. It was a moment.

As for now- Steph just texted me so I think I'm going to her place to hang out for a bit. I can't wait to have money in my account (not just $5 to do laundry) so I can take Manhattan by storm.

Happy Saturday night everyone!

Grad school ain't no joke.

So I made it! Here I am... at Hofstra. All moved in & settled. Kinda strange. Wishing I was at the JU but with all the talk of their recent swine flu outbreaks- I'm glad I'm not there.

Orientation for my program was SO INTENSE, but I'm really excited to get everything started. One of my profs said "If there are 2 words to describe this program, they are definitely JOB SECURITY." That made all of us pretty happy, well me at least. I've got my textbooks already and my work definitely cut out for me. I also already planned out my course schedule for the next 2 years- and it's just so odd that to think in 2011 I will have my Master's Degree. WHAT. 2 years ago I wasn't even going to finish my Bachelors!! Ahhh! I digress. I'm THRILLED to be here. I love my roommates. Love my apartment. I'm a very happy and content person over all right now.

Last night, Kylie came to visit me! She brought me a "Welcome to Long Island" present- a red velvet cupcake from this bakery called Crumbs and it was absolutely delicious!! I've been doing really well with eating right and exercising so this was a much needed treat! Of course I shared half with Christina (one of my new roommates) because it was HUGE. Soooo good though. & so good to see her!!

I have 2 job interviews lined up here. Tomorrow, I have an interview for a serving position at a country club. Tuesday is a position within the health care field that I am really crossing my fingers for. I'm just going to do my best, and hopefully one of the positions will work out for the best.

Hmmm also. I'm annoyed at Hurricane Danny. Please do not strike Long Island this weekend. I'm having flashbacks to 5 years ago when I first moved into JU and the hurricane seasons of '04 & '05 were brutal. Go away. I don't live in FL anymore. Thanks.

Thats all I've got for now. Guess I should start doing some of my work, eh?

Why I'm obsessed with my little...

Me: theres a she wolf in the closet
Rachel: you are gay
Me: its stuck in my head
Rachel: im bored and about to leave
Me: where are u going
Rachel: idk
Me: if i get swine flu i am spreading it like the plague
Rachel: you are on crack
Rachel: ill ttyl
Me: bye


& that is the extent of our daily conversations. Love it.

Ahhhh... Philly life

Wow... I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up with this thing!

I'm all moved in at Andrea's in Philly, and have been here about a week now. I've been through 2 jobs already--- the first I hated and the second was part time and an hour away--- and am still desperately seeking for a job. I'm at the point where I'll take anything full time (except that first job of course). 

I've been doing Wii Fit everyday and eating a lot healthier. Today Im going for a run in Fairmount Park. It sucks because I do enjoy running, but I also enjoy smoking. Those really don't go hand in hand huh?

I got a silicone cover for my keyboard and I can't figure out if I like it or not yet. Its a weird feeling.

The Russians are blaring house music next door. Must be home for lunch. Gonna go say hi...

More later!